By Morgan Freret
Staff Writer

Twice a year the school gets a free makeover—thanks to finals week. No one seems to care that they’ve worn pajamas to school for five consecutive days. Girls forget to make themselves look pretty in the morning and everyone looks just a little…wrinkled. Don’t forget the added accessory of venti Starbucks coffee in hand.

Here’s a tidbit of science for all you sleep-deprived students out there: psychologists say that a lack of REM sleep will actually cause a person to exhibit psychotic behaviors.

That’s the other part of the finals makeover: there’s craziness in the air.

The worst are those nights when I’m up so late studying that I stop looking at the clock all together—it gets too depressing after a while. I promise you, it’s not learning that induces me to stay up to such ungodly hours. No matter how fascinating Pinckney’s treaty might be (my apologies, Mr. Stewart), I just can’t care when some historical event that took place 200 years ago is the reason I’m not sleeping.

Here it comes, the thesis: Teachers are working students too hard.

You know where I am right now? Its 1 a.m. and I’m attempting, in my current state of semi-lucidity, to make this article coherent. The paper is going to press in 24 hours, so it’s crunch time.

I’ve still got calculus homework to do, not to mention the five major tests this week that I still have to study for.

Maybe it’s just the reality of junior year. My caffeine addiction has soared to new heights of tolerance. (Where would I be without my morning/afternoon/evening coffee?) Some students even resort to Ritalin and caffeine pills, making them the newest innovations in the students’ fight to increase concentration and stave off sleep.

But that’s a pretty dismal reality.

I have to think that when drugs are being used for academic purposes, teachers may be overstepping their boundaries just a bit.

I’d like to make a suggestion to the administration.

It is a common theory that the teachers have united in a conspiracy against the students. How else could they manage to assign that gigantic thesis essay plus tests in history, math and science, all for the same day? It’s a vicious cycle of mini-finals every three weeks.

Twice a year is frequent enough to have 1,500 psychotic kids running around the campus, kept awake by a weeklong binge on caffeine. While it supports local coffee shops, the current system is not helping students.

Perhaps a calendar posted in the teacher’s lounge would help them spread out the major projects and exams? That’s not too high a price to pay for student health, is it?

Maybe Pink Floyd was on to something when the group said, “Hey, teacher, leave those kids alone!”