By Shruti Dave and Laurel Lathrop
Opinions Editor and Staff Writer

Historically, left-handed people have put up with a lot of abuse: mocked for smearing their writing, forced to cramp their hands on tiny right-handed desks. Well, they aren’t standing for it any longer. Vive la revolution! Here’s a look at the most inspirational left-handers of all time. Celebrate their contributions to society and stop the madness.

1) Napoleon Bonaparte
Beloved dictator Napoleon was the poster-child revolutionary against right-handed oppression. After all, when he was just a sensitive, lonely boy in a sadistic military school, his fellow French youth (right-handers) constantly bullied Mr. Bonaparte. Taking over Europe? Simply a way of proving that bumping elbows at the dinner table didn’t limit his general ransacking, plundering and pillaging abilities.

2) Pablo Picasso
Picasso proved once and for all that left-handed people are infinitely skilled in both the artistic and romantic arts. Following in the footsteps of fellow artists/ladies’ men/lefties Michelangelo and Da Vinci, Picasso juggled over 20 mistresses and simultaneously created the defining artistic movement of the last century. Hats off to Picasso for letting the world know that brilliance and playa’ skills are not limited by hand/eye/right-brain coordination!

3) Marilyn Monroe
Monroe proves even more than Picasso that lefties are sexy, combining excitingly different ideas such as glamour with wholesomeness, sex appeal with innocence, and a wide skirt with a windy day. So she ODed on sleeping pills, left-handed people are always a wee bit off. But she showed her impressive acting range in movies like...ok, so there wasn’t much range. Does it really matter? She was a gorgeous blonde leftie and she got JFK. What more can you ask for?

4) Fidel Castro
Fidel Castro is everyone’s favorite communist dictator. As a Havana lawyer, Castro defended the poor, the oppressed and the politically depressed people. Of course, 20 years later, he had most of them thrown in prison, but at least his heart was in the right place. Fidel’s just an example of a mistreated leftie crying out for understanding and affection by importing large nuclear missiles and aiming them at Florida. He has survived 44 years of ruling Cuba and a ridiculous assassination attempt by the C.I.A. The man demands respect.

5) Steve Young
Steve Young ranks among the greatest quarterbacks of all time in terms of sheer gutsiness (e.g. concussions) and crazy plays (e.g. that one he threw to J.J. Stokes who threw it to Jerry Rice who threw it to Steve Young in the end zone 40 yards away). Descending from a long line of left-handed lawyers (see Castro), Young displays the best trait any human being can have.

In Conclusion...
So, if the injustice continues, lefties know what to do. Pick up those pens (the non-smearing kind) and write to local politicians. Stand up for the lefties of today; protect the lefties of tomorrow!